Prime Numbers: 2, 3, 5, 7, 11, 13, 15, 17, 19, 23, 29

Let me just say that American Earl grey tea is nothing compared to English earl grey.
I am enjoying tea by appointment of her majesty queen elizabeth II and it is like making out with jesus if making out with jesus was something the lamnb of god did.

Anyways Im congested from the war waging deep within my body.
Apparently there was an argument between my t cells and half my forces were wiped out in my pulmonary area.
Reinforcements are on their way but production is slow and arduous.

heres to mohwaks that wear mohawks
oh and today is the mini bosses show!!
woot woot!!

you can barely see her but do you see that girl on my right?
her name is margy.
she has the same birthday as me.
She was the 1st one I made out with that night.

Happy birthday!



A weird pose that shows of my derrier.
I guess Lauren was trying to take a weird picture of me and this just so happened to be a random moment that was caught on film.
I would to also take this time to show you my seiko kinetic watch
powered by my movements.
and my Vans shoes.

God bless mankind.



Carli and Vicki



Lauren, Alex, Vicki and Amber



this is one from halloween weekend.
Apparently I didn't have my v8 because why I am standing like that perplexes me beyond my drunken thoughts.



another picture from halloween night.

Adopt some kids for christmass already
I adoped four kids
two kids and two boys
I am going to shine light into their days.

I bought two 40 dollar target cards for the boys
since they asked for clothes I was like dizzam shazam you must need presents.
I bout the girls some razor scooters and carebears.

I am amended.

Deep within the bowels of techsupport

co-worker-did you know that Lionel richie still performs?
Me: Really? As what a rabid Panda?

dleish

someone is after me..
which means
Im going to have to change my skin color

someone just payed me the biggest compliment ever
someone wants to be me so much in real life
that they have been talking smack about me on the internet
not on blogger but in a little place I like to call yourspace.
I didnt realize how much damage this person has potentially done until last night.
revenge is a dish best served with a side of sangria.
so we shall see the extent of damage done before laying waste to his character.
Ladies and gentlemen
I will keep you posted but dont expect an update for at least another week
and once we have finished making him pay I shall give you all the luscious details.

thank you and good night new york.

Last night I bought a painting.
My first painting ever.
It's going to go in my apartment.(duh)
I shall destroy anyone who tries to take it from me.
The painters name is Scott Michael Olsteen.

I wish I had a picture to show all of you.
It fits me perfectly.

picture to come soon.

Today is my birthday.
I am 24.
I remember how last year I left a voice mail
telling everyone who didnt call me to burn in hell.
It worked,people remembered and apologized.
I am thinking about doing that again.

As soon as it turned 12am I recieved two phone calls.
One from my ex drinking buddy Natalia and One from Jessica aka Fresca.
Last year I deleted people from my phone who didn't call to wish me happy birthday.
This year we shall do it again.

Im bored with blogger I am much more entertaining in rea life.
I mean how do you explain to someone on the internet, when you cant write ,about your adventures on the far far away and distant planet of gingavitis!

things overheard by the Alcohawk.

"Girl, I aint gona lie, I want put in your butt"(jessica)

"Look, its Blinking HOT! , machines never lie!"

"Stop asking me how much it was! ; Dude That's my first time asking you"

"Sorry we cant keep talking, your breath stinks"

"Look its got a wriststrap"

"Don't blow to hard"

"Girl, you know I'm gona take care of you"

The Donnas were supposed to show up that night.
They never did.

Indeed
The Alcohawk crash landed into the rogue last night with spectacular results.
On the burning wings of a fiery discourse not seen since Librache liberated his pants all over your face.

Needless to say I didnt drive until I was well under the legal "minute"
because I am a responsible human bean.
A golden american mexican bean.(with a mohawk)
shinnning with endevor and mr zogs sex wax.
who cares about you, your family and that filthy walking carpet you call a dog
Wax on and Wax off I always say.

Society needs rules
Rules=boundaries
Boundaries are good because people are afraid of their own shadow.

Today I am driving down on my way to lunch when all of a sudden the car in front of me does a little swerve.
The next thing I know I am on freshly laid asphalt that has not been sectioned off yet.
Well this is not a problem to me.
I think Awesome now I can drive recklessley and since there is no lines Im in the clear?
Right?
Wrong?

This sudden change in the natural roadway has cars on all focal points around me swerving back and forth across the road like some kind of pendulum.

Which brings me back to what I said earlier.
Most people truly are dumb and the world really would fall into chaos without some kind of "government"
This has never been more obvious in America than on Nov.2

thank you and good day
$hiat7ace

Pussy!!!
All you people who are to school for cool to update on the weekends.
Pussies!

Each and every single one of you
I am a mother flipping rockstar
Last night I went to bed at 4am
Here I am
and there you are
surfing
but not posting

how cool do you feel now hippy
look at your long dirty hair
look at your stubble and filthy face.

you disgustipate me
I need to go get a drink of water.

Some of the bloggers I know and admire have been writing for years.(decades)
I know my blog to be mediocore and frankly I don't mind.

I care because it means I need to work on my writing skills.
I figure all my Heroes have got a huge lead on my ass plus they are way "ninja"

This is my challenge to myself.
now if eyes culd just lern howe to rite.

Because you knows my post titles rule the day and night.

pours out the hateraide onto a dead donkey

'ello Gov'na's
later today I shall race forth across the city upon my faithful stallion Tear-Cell
"The last of the Yotas" to siwzzle in the fizzle ala Chalkit up 20004

http://www.cakewalk.tv/pages/17/index.htm

join me

or not

So there I was barreling down the highway at speends that would make Ms. Daisy shit herself
on my way to save the Princess Anya from her Money grubbing Childcare lifeforce Leeches.

Well I must have [issed of the lord almighty above all earth creatures because the next thing I know I am going toe to toe with the grim reaper and his zombie whores.

Luckily The Faithful Stead "Tear-Cell" was ever faithful and we left Mr. Grim in a cloud of Flatulence and French Fry Shurikens imbedded in his side in the shap of an M!

Bur our journey was far from over and we had to travel through the "Valley of Macarena Vampires".

I ask you friends Have you ever seen hordes of Blood thirsting Nesfaratu thirsting for your sweet red vita while moving in a sickly unison to the tune of "Aye Macarena"???
Beware lest you are wearing the sacred assless chaps of "St. Ricardo Martinus"
God Bless his soul.

Then we met the Fire-Breathing Dragon thumbwar "Sir Nasty Natukus" Champion on the battlefield.
Thank god I had a portable and Inflatable "Jack Black aka Wonderboy"
4 hours later...
The deadly dragon vanquished, covered in little bits and pieces of dragon, bleeding from head to twinkly toe.

The Mulk was sucessfull.
The princess was saved.

and now today I get to do it all again.

Last night I celebrated in anticipation of my friends 7500000000000 hit to her website.
Because of this I have slept 4 and half hours?
but who's counting anyway,
Not I!

http://tuckermax.com is being cock blocked by the firewall.
this does not please the Lord Helmet.
forgive me sabrina

Anyhoo today I enter a new stage of Fatherdoom.
Today I shall pick up my daughter from childcare for the first time EVER.
389 a month I will be paying for someone to watch her.
Good Lord that is a lot of money.

Well I hope her mom has fun working the second job.
too bad she may have to quit since I am going back to school for the winter intesession.

Two days ago I did not have sex on A-Mountain in Tempe.
nope, no siree
zero,zilch,nada

At no point was I was smacking her ass while overlooking the valley
and at no point where our cries of delight drowned out by an Airplane descending overhead.

thank you

Middle Class Pho-enicians erupted into a frenzy yesterday as Ikea opened its brand new store.
Yours truly the world famous El Mulk descended down to blog what all the ruckus was about.
Sidenote:I took Anya with me so that I would "blend in".

We arrived shortly after 12pm
Fresh from a heart breakfast of Eggs,bagel and Apple Juice.
belly's full,sundress billowing,Mohawk alert and on point, Anya I donned our sunglasses and stepped out of the Mulkmobile into the belly of the beast.
Now I will just say this:
I have never seen such viciousness and candid disregard for the sanctity of human life than I did that day.
Imagine soccer moms armed to the tooth in what appeared to be camping/military gear scrambling to buy the latest Frojsta or Lindhult coffee table.
Pushing what appeared to be humvee/gundam Strollers with spinners???
that's right I said it Spinners.
Some Homemakers sects had decided to combine forces and thus some parts of Ikea were protected as if I was in Fort Knox.
Outgunned,underequipped but more importantly just a general lack of interest.
After watching one mom pinch her baby to induce her child's sonic wailing to clear a path for her acquisition of a coffee table, I knew that it was time for me and Anya to make our retreat.

Summoning the Chaos Magics to protect us, Anya and I pushed our way back to Daylight and the real world.

I ran out of quarters last night.

Bloggers and Bloggetes

behold I bring you the latest Awesome blog of the week
Dirty Little Homos
such abrasiveness deserves an award.
shazam.

I knew I had found a blog worthy when I read the first post.

So if someone were to tell me that their ideal date was dinner and a movie, I would just say "Fine, pop in a porno and eat my ass to your hearts content." hmmm, my famous last words? I dunno, just breezed through my head like gas.

need I say more?
I don't think so.

I desire a camera
preferably one that is digital
I shall prepare a voyage to the local pawnshops
but first I must mapquest and cross reference locations so that my trips will be precise.

child care costs today = car payment.

sexual savant= yowza

Attorneys= Safety
Toothpaste= kisses and/or kissy faces
Black women=rule
Viatnamese food = yummy

The Mulkhead nebula has actually begun preparations for its excavation to another galaxy.
(Jaden, I know, I know, I know, I know,)

After speaking with a fellow nebula it has come to his attention that he will not have to sleep on the horrible stardust bed that he currently rests upon but one of a finer gradient and resilience.
The Mulkhead Nebulas good friend has also promised him a modest satellite for him to house his current DaTa_Collecting_Automaton_complete with Polyvinyl-formaldehyde_Phonograpic_burning_Factory.

I have begun by acquiring torrents of materials for such an extradition at the globular cluster stealer of life and all that is holy and yummy.
Walmartusk.
They say that in the bowels of Walmartusk there is a gateway to a dark galaxy of anti-life.

These are risque chronics indeed.

I hate soft lenses
they are the devils tool agianst me
I blog before you with only half of my vision intact.
to the right slighly less than crisp vision.
to the left It looks like someonday took a monet painting and dithered(photoshop reference)the world.

actually even the right looks like everything is covered in fuzzy mold.
Needless to say my ass is going home until the optometrist opens up so I can get another trial lense until...my new contacts show up.

wish me luck as my headache is getting worse.
one tequila two tequila 3.

P.s.
I have not had a drink since tuesday and tonight we shall see if I make it to a week as it is my friday.

update:

apparently my new lenses are here and the optometrists office has been trying to get a hold of me for the last 3 days.
so Im going to leave in half an hour to go get them.

oh and I would like to just say that I, your truly
the world famous, neighborhood phenom, el mulk.

I have found the greates mexican food in the world
and its right across from my favorite comic book store.

The name of this little hole in the wall
that serves 6 dollar Fajitititas a $1.50 bean burritos
is called Tacos de Pepe.

and to all of you that do NOT live in AZ.
walk,run,jog,drive,fly,skip,hover,percolate,doing the humpty to Phoenix and then head to Alma School and Guadalupe.

Its across from the taco bell next to some nail place.

peace

guest starring anya bananya(my daughter)

Well I only saw half of the incredibles but let me just "vlah!"
Is this not a kids movie?
WTF? this is the slowest kids move in the world.
This is a movie about superheroes nay a superhero family.
Its supposed to be action packed, every minute filled with pulse pounding action.
Well Im glad I left early.

the first movie that me and my daughter attend and it made her cry.
Im going to write a letter to the president of Pixar and this letter is going to have razor sharp exclamation points and curly qs and probably some carrots.

oh,I almost forgot

Anya did you like the movie?
Anya: nooo

mulk tested, toddler rejected.

click me

quite possibly the coolest,geekiest thing you will ever read this week.
and if you find something cooler, tell me and I will buy you a drink.

peace bitches.

I found the following on the busblog who got it from michael who got it from
your mom.....

Ok, it sucks. Really sucks. But before you go and cash it all in, let's, in the words of Monty Python, “always look on the bright side of life!” There IS some good news from Tuesday's election.

Here are 17 reasons not to slit your wrists:

1. It is against the law for George W. Bush to run for president again.

2. Bush's victory was the NARROWEST win for a sitting president since Woodrow Wilson in 1916.

3. The only age group in which the majority voted for Kerry was young adults (Kerry: 54%, Bush: 44%), proving once again that your parents are always wrong and you should never listen to them.

4. In spite of Bush's win, the majority of Americans still think the country is headed in the wrong direction (56%), think the war wasn't worth fighting (51%), and don’t approve of the job George W. Bush is doing (52%). (Note to foreigners: Don't try to figure this one out. It's an American thing, like Pop Tarts.)

5. The Republicans will not have a filibuster-proof 60-seat majority in the Senate. If the Democrats do their job, Bush won't be able to pack the Supreme Court with right-wing ideologues. Did I say "if the Democrats do their job?" Um, maybe better to scratch this one.


7. Once again we are reminded that the buckeye is a nut, and not just any old nut -- a poisonous nut. A great nation was felled by a poisonous nut. May Ohio State pay dearly this Saturday when it faces Michigan.

8. 88% of Bush's support came from white voters. In 50 years, America will no longer have a white majority. Hey, 50 years isn't such a long time! If you're ten years old and reading this, your golden years will be truly golden and you will be well cared for in your old age.

9. Gays, thanks to the ballot measures passed on Tuesday, cannot get married in 11 new states. Thank God. Just think of all those wedding gifts we won't have to buy now.

10. Five more African Americans were elected as members of Congress, including the return of Cynthia McKinney of Georgia. It's always good to have more blacks in there fighting for us and doing the job our candidates can't.

11. The CEO of Coors was defeated for Senate in Colorado. Drink up!

12. Admit it: We like the Bush twins and we don't want them to go away.

14. Bush is now a lame duck president. He will have no greater moment than the one he's having this week. It's all downhill for him from here on out -- and, more significantly, he's just not going to want to do all the hard work that will be expected of him. It'll be like everyone's last month in 12th grade -- you've already made it, so it's party time! Perhaps he'll treat the next four years like a permanent Friday, spending even more time at the ranch or in Kennebunkport. And why shouldn't he? He's already proved his point, avenged his father and kicked our ass.

15. Should Bush decide to show up to work and take this country down a very dark road, it is also just as likely that either of the following two scenarios will happen: a) Now that he doesn't ever need to pander to the Christian conservatives again to get elected, someone may whisper in his ear that he should spend these last four years building "a legacy" so that history will render a kinder verdict on him and thus he will not push for too aggressive a right-wing agenda; or b) He will become so cocky and arrogant -- and thus, reckless -- that he will commit a blunder of such major proportions that even his own party will have to remove him from office.

16. There are nearly 300 million Americans -- 200 million of them of voting age. We only lost by three and a half million! That's not a landslide -- it means we're almost there. Imagine losing by 20 million. If you had 58 yards to go before you reached the goal line and then you barreled down 55 of those yards, would you stop on the three yard line, pick up the ball and go home crying -- especially when you get to start the next down on the three yard line? Of course not! Buck up! Have hope! More sports analogies are coming!!!

17. Finally and most importantly, over 55 million Americans voted for the candidate dubbed "The #1 Liberal in the Senate." That's more than the total number of voters who voted for either Reagan, Bush I, Clinton or Gore. Again, more people voted for Kerry than Reagan. If the media are looking for a trend it should be this -- that so many Americans were, for the first time since Kennedy, willing to vote for an out-and-out liberal. The country has always been filled with evangelicals -- that is not news. What IS news is that so many people have shifted toward a Massachusetts liberal. In fact, that's BIG news. Which means, don't expect the mainstream media, the ones who brought you the Iraq War, to ever report the real truth about November 2, 2004. In fact, it's better that they don't. We'll need the element of surprise in 2008.

Feeling better? I hope so. As my friend Mort wrote me yesterday, "My Romanian grandfather used to say to me, 'Remember, Morton, this is such a wonderful country -- it doesn't even need a president!'"

But it needs us. Rest up, I'll write you again tomorrow.

Yours,

Michael Moore

bloggers note:
I am sorrounded by republicans.
stay strong.

Its hard living the life of the rockstar.
I wonder how they do it.

sex without love is "weird" to me.
I just wanted to put that out there.

I have a keychain that says "pussy wagon".
Someday I may post a picture of it.

my little girl is my biggest fan when I go sk8boarding.
oh man I love taking her with me.
there is just something about hearing her say "weeeeeee" as we carve through the park, shredding up and down the banks that fills me with elation.

the other day I was trying to do a 50-50 shuv-it out and I missed the ledge.
but anya didnt care, she just went" yeaaaaa and clapped her little hands furiously"
man o man.
good times my friends, good times indeed.

You know what Hell really is Thomas? It's not lakes of burning oil or chains of ice. It's being removed from God's sight.


Sunday night/monday Morning I realied the cold hard fact (while drunk), somewhere last month I have became a full blown alki
one drink, two drink, pashaw.
I'll be drinking till two in the morning.
Some of you know this already from the huge increase in drunken phone calls from me during wee hours of early morning/morning.

I know why it was so easy for me to fall.
I am not going to school and I can't work out.
I injured my shoulder working out 3 months ago? while drunk from drinking absinthe that joey had brought back from "Land o Anglo Saxons".

I think I thought I was superman.

It was a nice little tear in my right shoulder.
I would have been fully recovered now if I hadn't worked out on it after only a month of resting.
yea retard.

Luckliy I have planned far enough ahead to not let this "recreational habit" affect the time I spend with my daughter, work or leave me in a poition of drinking and then driving like I was playing crazy Taxi!

But I am aware thatthis day is very close.

I am not going to let that happen.

so here's to good loving from green tea.

I voted last night.
In fact I was so happpy to vote yesterday that I proudly showed my voters registration

card when they asked for my name.( you don't have to show Id)
The first one ever issued to Me..
I didn't vote for Bozo the clown aka the Grand Keebler Elf.

Last night was single handedly the most disconcerning political event of my life.
As I watched state after state turn red for Bush never before have I felt so

disenfranchised with the citizens of the United states of america.

As my fellow young democrats talked of running to canada and or switzerland to hide

themselves from the shame I commented:

Fuck that shit, I'll be the last democrat standing.
I ain't going nowhere.
This Country rules, I ll be dead before I leave and If need be I'll make republicans

look sane when I am on top of a rooftop with a machine gun shooting them.

Even more of a blow to my spirit was to listening to my fellow democrats comment about

how even though they voted for Kerry they didnt think he would win..

What the fuck?

I aksed them how they could say that?

"how can you dedicate yourself to something you didn't believe in completly with your

heart"
as my eyes narrowed and clear thoughts suppressed my inibriation.( I was very drunk at

this point)
I asked
"how can you stand here, before me and think that your vote didn't count?

I truly thought Kerry would win.

"This embarassing event will become the single,most definitive moment of our youth.
In a time when love is a luxury, I will fight till the breath leaves me body.
Think of the 60s when the democrats rioted because they were so angry with americas

course of actions.
We need to think of the future now and prepare because the anger I am feeling right

now is the same way that those hippies felt back then."

"when darkness falls we are reborn"-KSE

So now I blog before you a resolute and tenacious young american.
With a razorblade tongue and a howitzer mind.

I shall have my revenge on the jedi and your mom.

Now if you'll excuse me I have to go wash the filth of todays political outcome off my

body.

This day that will live in infamy in my life.
A day that has ignited a nuclear reaction within my soul, more powerful than a billion

ninjas shurikens.

peace

I am very lucky to have someone with mad nun-chuck skills,bo staff skills and grizzly bear wrestling skillz...yo
Now you are an hour behind thanks to daylife savings time.
I dont think you were born with enough middle fingers.

A hearts string was pulled last night, a string of
which, no proxy can touch, tug or untie.
Two lovers alone on the dance floor, converging into one.

Sharing in the clumsy, hesitant footing, that
lovers often share when stumbling into their first
first steps of love.
When every word is fresh like warm homemade flan,
dripping with caramelized sugar on its journey to your
belly. These gentle touches are masterfully applied
to soothe and entice until smiles beam from ear to
ear.
Every minute apart is a slow creeping crawl on your
skin.
The human desire to be part of something greater is
fulfilled.
And I smile because I
remember.