Tuesday, May 30, 2006
Deep Shit
Sometimes I hate life so much, like last night my friend with benefits starts feeling guilty about our good times and realized that she wants a boyfriend, a relationship, something that I would not give her. The whole situation amused me because by the time women approach men in situations like this, I think your mind is already made up, there is only the illusion of safety. seriously.
update:
I am right. which means if I'll still be getting laid.
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update:
I am right. which means if I'll still be getting laid.
Free
I'm going to post signs that say Free in bright green with an arrow that will direct people in a loop.
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Friday, May 26, 2006
Greatest Hits
What brought people? to Prime Numbers today:
searches for:
sweet yummy tighties - ??
How to Seduce a Coworker - ten time award winning article not found here.
Thelonious Monk - Shazam! He who is the power and the Glory!
Today on the busride to work a little old lady chatted with me about the opportunities of working for US Airways, taking Ninja classes, Chi & Aikido to teach me how to fall from my skateboard without getting seriously hurt. If that isn't proof that the Ninja Gods favor me, bring forth your might!
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searches for:
sweet yummy tighties - ??
How to Seduce a Coworker - ten time award winning article not found here.
Thelonious Monk - Shazam! He who is the power and the Glory!
Today on the busride to work a little old lady chatted with me about the opportunities of working for US Airways, taking Ninja classes, Chi & Aikido to teach me how to fall from my skateboard without getting seriously hurt. If that isn't proof that the Ninja Gods favor me, bring forth your might!
Thursday, May 25, 2006
I'm listening to portishead right now and I swear for a moment on strangers it sounded like beth sang "when the morn meets the jews, when the reich rising". I need to go home.
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Guilty Pleasures
I'm listening to Toni Braxton right now with the volume turned low because I'm afraid if a coworker makes fun of her or me I will deliver a roundhouse kick to their face...twice.
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Tuesday, May 23, 2006
Tuscon or Bust
I'm listening to the deftones cover of no ordinary love right now and in half an hour I'm headed to tuscon to see In Flames. I've decided my next relationship is going to be a no holds barred, deathmatch to the end.
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Hamtaro Vs. Zod !!
VS
There can be only one. who will it be?
Monday, May 22, 2006
"10 Things I Hate About Commandments"
|digital catharsis
i'm done trying to be superhuman, I'm human.
i'm not flawless, I'm perfectly flawed.
i'm done trying to be right, I was Catholic.
i'm done living your dreams, experience mine.
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i'm not flawless, I'm perfectly flawed.
i'm done trying to be right, I was Catholic.
i'm done living your dreams, experience mine.
Friday, May 19, 2006
To our best friend,
Present past and beyond
Even though you weren't with us too long
Your life is the most precious thing that we could lose
While you were here the fun was neverending
Laugh a minute only the beginning Bro Hym tribute - Pennywise
Godspeed mi amigo.
Thursday, May 18, 2006
Tres Amigos
caption this?
Tuesday, May 16, 2006
You want to see my spaceship?
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Monday, May 15, 2006
Paperless
Today I declare my liberation from receipts. The paperless war is on.
a quick synopsis of my weekend.
I played flip cup for the first time in 4 years. I named my teams the Shoutlin and the Woot Tang. Our rival team who just so happened to be the champions, I dubbed Poser Mobile. A drunken lesbian with g/f of five years attempting to seduce a male coworker, hitting on a a girl with a boyfriend who I told" I'm not going to apologize for wanting to lick your girls vag" drinking with upper management, buying to many people drinks and a lazy river.
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a quick synopsis of my weekend.
I played flip cup for the first time in 4 years. I named my teams the Shoutlin and the Woot Tang. Our rival team who just so happened to be the champions, I dubbed Poser Mobile. A drunken lesbian with g/f of five years attempting to seduce a male coworker, hitting on a a girl with a boyfriend who I told" I'm not going to apologize for wanting to lick your girls vag" drinking with upper management, buying to many people drinks and a lazy river.
Friday, May 12, 2006
In case you are wondering Maya Angelou was good. In her opening she shared that she never flies anywhere anymore, she has a bus and although it's furnished and has amenities such as a bathroom and kitchen, she said "the trip from North Corolina to Tempe, Az is a long one and when I say I'm happy to be here, I mean it", we all chuckled.
Tonight I'll be rocking out with the burgoise/technerds in Northern Phoenix for my companies quarterly "top performers award" ceremony. Which means this ninja will be playing the stopwatch game on bringing the motherfucking rukus, smoking the skunky tail, borrowing someones wife/girlfriend/fiancee, drinking challengers under the table and other caligulian medleys @ this posh location.
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Tonight I'll be rocking out with the burgoise/technerds in Northern Phoenix for my companies quarterly "top performers award" ceremony. Which means this ninja will be playing the stopwatch game on bringing the motherfucking rukus, smoking the skunky tail, borrowing someones wife/girlfriend/fiancee, drinking challengers under the table and other caligulian medleys @ this posh location.
What blogs may become
the neglected art of linking
I've noticed that many bigger bloggers tend to have everyone and their madre linked on their site. but what are the benefits of linking everyone in the world if you don't read their blog? If I find a blog I like I link it, If they link me back great, If they don't oh well, I'm going to still keep on reading as long as it keeps me entertained.
I'll soon add a blogroll to thank all my lickity links.
blogging on blogging
Since I'm back on the blogging bandwagon I wonder what kind of audience do I want to attract from this day on? Do I want to brag, influence, simply share my thoughts on the internet or attack disnformation with valid information?
on the future of Prime Numbers
I think to myself shit, this is my shard of the internet, I'll do with it what I want,no one can stop me, the only person holding me back is me. I just know that at this stage in my life I'm taking things more seriously and I need purpose. Will I Sell apple pies to whales and establish my family's fortune or blog about selling bacon wholesale out of a van with one of those tear drop windows? f~ck, i'm curious.
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I've noticed that many bigger bloggers tend to have everyone and their madre linked on their site. but what are the benefits of linking everyone in the world if you don't read their blog? If I find a blog I like I link it, If they link me back great, If they don't oh well, I'm going to still keep on reading as long as it keeps me entertained.
I'll soon add a blogroll to thank all my lickity links.
blogging on blogging
Since I'm back on the blogging bandwagon I wonder what kind of audience do I want to attract from this day on? Do I want to brag, influence, simply share my thoughts on the internet or attack disnformation with valid information?
on the future of Prime Numbers
I think to myself shit, this is my shard of the internet, I'll do with it what I want,no one can stop me, the only person holding me back is me. I just know that at this stage in my life I'm taking things more seriously and I need purpose. Will I Sell apple pies to whales and establish my family's fortune or blog about selling bacon wholesale out of a van with one of those tear drop windows? f~ck, i'm curious.
Thursday, May 11, 2006
Vader Vs The Japanese Police
ladies and gentleman, i present to you, Japan's finest Vs The one who brought balance to the force.
Vader Vs Japanese Police!
godspeed
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Vader Vs Japanese Police!
godspeed
bloodletting
Joey sings for absolution from all her mortal sins lying in bed. lust, sloth, avarice, envy, gluttony, greed and pride have blessed Joey with an aggressive form of cancer that has whittled her curvaceous figure into Calista Flockheart dimensions. Joey's previously immaculate hands, the envy of her inner socialite circle, has degraded. the once lustrous skin, now dry and peeling has darkened around the veins. nails once pink as roses, diminished into yellow, brittle shards. her expensive state of the art medications have transformed her existence into an unfocused, bleeding watercolor gondola ride. Joey wishes someone would sneak her some weed so she could remember what it feels like to be hungry. Joey wants johnny walkers green label. Joey prays regularly to the angel moran, buddah, the virgin mary and jesus in the sky above because Joey has found religion in deth.
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Wednesday, May 10, 2006
Monday, May 08, 2006
i'm playing hooky from work today.
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the indian food i consumed yesterday is wreaking a vengeful vengeance upon myself.
my story so far...
casually observed a local bum nicknamed "rudy", "holler" at a cute girl with a plush derrier as she walked across the southewest corner of University on Mill ave. Rudy jovially shouted "Aloha!!" several times as she approached him. Not to take his rejection lying down he continued to follow the poor lass for about another 10 feet before giving up.
witnessed a shirtless little toddler boy chillin with his grandparents make kung fu sounds as he stomped on a fountain jet in a brickyard, his equally toddler sister wathing from the sidelines with her grandmother. the grandfather, a black cowboy observed from afar quietly with no sign of emotion on his face.
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&
the indian food i consumed yesterday is wreaking a vengeful vengeance upon myself.
my story so far...
casually observed a local bum nicknamed "rudy", "holler" at a cute girl with a plush derrier as she walked across the southewest corner of University on Mill ave. Rudy jovially shouted "Aloha!!" several times as she approached him. Not to take his rejection lying down he continued to follow the poor lass for about another 10 feet before giving up.
witnessed a shirtless little toddler boy chillin with his grandparents make kung fu sounds as he stomped on a fountain jet in a brickyard, his equally toddler sister wathing from the sidelines with her grandmother. the grandfather, a black cowboy observed from afar quietly with no sign of emotion on his face.
Friday, May 05, 2006
I am going to see the versatile and remarkable Maya Angelou tonight @ 7:30 and I'm bringing extra depends(super abosorbent) and extra oxygen.
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Candid Reviews with Merlin Van Dwinkster Esq.
Dear Avenged Crapenfold,
Motley Crue are vengeful metal gods and they have employed the services of my tenacious roomate, "butt face", to smite your blaphemous & tepid impersonations. My grandmother spins better music @ her monthly yardsales! Enclosed are gift certificate for music lessons from Alfred Matthew. You may call yourselves a metal band but let's be serious, you zinc.
god bless you,
Merlin Van Dwinkster Esq.
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Motley Crue are vengeful metal gods and they have employed the services of my tenacious roomate, "butt face", to smite your blaphemous & tepid impersonations. My grandmother spins better music @ her monthly yardsales! Enclosed are gift certificate for music lessons from Alfred Matthew. You may call yourselves a metal band but let's be serious, you zinc.
god bless you,
Merlin Van Dwinkster Esq.
ApheX Twin, Mexi-cans and Pinapples!
I want to remake the classic Aphex Twin song "come to daddy" into "come to papi". the main chorus "i want your soul" will be converted to "i want your job". it will feature mexican nationals running, clutching baskets, landscaping equipment, little blue eyed, blonde haired demon children & of course standing in line to vote in our countries next election. retaining the same creepiness as the original video it wil feature a giant screaming chupacabra that resembles Rumsfield. at the end, pineapples adorned with the virgin maria's visage will fall from the sky.
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Thursday, May 04, 2006
Roommates, Express Lanes & Kung Fu
My roommate is a hamster named "butt face" who was raised on reruns of the classic t.v series Kung Fu. He guards the express check out lane of 10 items or less at my local supermarket, dispensing a special brand of justice to violators one obtains from years of emulating David Carradine. On his lunch he breaks to the eclectic beats of the meat beat manifesto, propellorheads & public enemy outside the entrance. The b-boy crew he belongs to call themselves animal farm breakout.
and
IF anyone has a spare hedgehog of Vengence or a beta of Belligerentness that can withstand vogon poetry, please contact me.
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and
IF anyone has a spare hedgehog of Vengence or a beta of Belligerentness that can withstand vogon poetry, please contact me.
Wednesday, May 03, 2006
I'll show you Freedom of Choice!
I need your favorite mixed drink recommendations.
please believe me!
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please believe me!
Ready for You
Returning to work on my lunch hour, I saw an old asian lady wearing a poker visor walking her dog with no bra on, her withered old pancakes pushing against her white raylon shirt.
& before I forget again
Late last Friday night/Saturday morning, while waiting outside my flat for a friend to pick me up, 3 drunken college girls, a taller lithe blonde, two tiny brunettes (one topless) burst forth from a backyard gate across the street, prancing about and chasing each other. The lithe blonde proceeded to jump on a bike and ride around the yard ringing the bell for moment before ditching the bike in the backyard, then returning to chase and hide in the bushes with the covered brunette. Meanwhile topless brunnete (who was top heavy) weakly shrieked when she noticed me and scurried back inside. The remaining tiny brunette then tried to escape the Dionysian assembly by running down the street to hide behind a taller irrigation pipe but the lithe blonde quickly caught her, picked her up and carried her back over to the house where they continued in their celebration of intemperance. There may have been a fourth girl but It's hard to tell because I was having a seizure.
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& before I forget again
Late last Friday night/Saturday morning, while waiting outside my flat for a friend to pick me up, 3 drunken college girls, a taller lithe blonde, two tiny brunettes (one topless) burst forth from a backyard gate across the street, prancing about and chasing each other. The lithe blonde proceeded to jump on a bike and ride around the yard ringing the bell for moment before ditching the bike in the backyard, then returning to chase and hide in the bushes with the covered brunette. Meanwhile topless brunnete (who was top heavy) weakly shrieked when she noticed me and scurried back inside. The remaining tiny brunette then tried to escape the Dionysian assembly by running down the street to hide behind a taller irrigation pipe but the lithe blonde quickly caught her, picked her up and carried her back over to the house where they continued in their celebration of intemperance. There may have been a fourth girl but It's hard to tell because I was having a seizure.
Monday, May 01, 2006
AX7, Coheed & Cambria and Flugtag Arizona ' 06
My fellow ninjas, I highly recommend the jazz comp Hip Jazz Bop! Chaos out of Order. There are countless used & unabused copies floating around on the world wide wowza so get off your ass, listen, learn and acquire your copy today!
Today, The Mulk is only working 9 hours before jetting off to see the symphonic association collectively known as Coheed & Cambria! with very special guests Avenged Sevenfold & Eighteen Visions.
This past Saturday found El Mulk administering errands which consequently lead to a short but luscious taste of the Flugtag Arizona experience. Luckily for all inquisitive parties, a fellow Arizonian blogger by the name of Potor distributed some highlights on his blog for everyone to enjoy. I personally enjoyed the Dos Gringos Flying Taco/Baywatch entry & The University of New Mexicos "EL VUELO DEL LOBO" (flight of the wolf) entry in which the team smoked from a "peace pipe" before launching into Tempe Town Lake.
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Today, The Mulk is only working 9 hours before jetting off to see the symphonic association collectively known as Coheed & Cambria! with very special guests Avenged Sevenfold & Eighteen Visions.
This past Saturday found El Mulk administering errands which consequently lead to a short but luscious taste of the Flugtag Arizona experience. Luckily for all inquisitive parties, a fellow Arizonian blogger by the name of Potor distributed some highlights on his blog for everyone to enjoy. I personally enjoyed the Dos Gringos Flying Taco/Baywatch entry & The University of New Mexicos "EL VUELO DEL LOBO" (flight of the wolf) entry in which the team smoked from a "peace pipe" before launching into Tempe Town Lake.
Make Mine Zod in 2008
Vote for your ruler
When I first came to your planet and demanded your homes, property and very lives, I didn't know you were already doing so, willingly, with your own government. I can win no tribute from a bankrupted nation populated by feeble flag-waving plebians. In 2008 I shall restore your dignity and make you servants worthy of my rule. This new government shall become a tool of my oppression. Instead of hidden agendas and waffling policies, I offer you direct candor and brutal certainty. I only ask for your tribute, your lives, and your vote.
-- General Zod
Your Future President and Eternal Ruler
Learn more about your future with Zod today!
